if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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