can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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