I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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