I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize