People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There was a lot of him and a little penis
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
