I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
