Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
