My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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