after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she pinky promised me she was 18
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
