my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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