apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize