I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
