I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
