I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
