what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
