This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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