omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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