I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
