he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
