I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
