I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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