So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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