they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
