Do you still have your period?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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