you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize