My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
