i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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