Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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