the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
