if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
false alarm, still single
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