The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
love makes seman taste better
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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