i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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