May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize