OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
