I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
