OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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