i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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