YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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