As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize