So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
