I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
