I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
