This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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