He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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