hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
