FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
