They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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