Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
