I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
