Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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