I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
