I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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