my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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