That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
