my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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