I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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