im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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