The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
