Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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