FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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