Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
