she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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