I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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