I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize