Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
