Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
my liver is dry heaving
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize