His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
