You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
