When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
