Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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