someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
