i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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